The Metz Family

Over this last week I have really learned who my true friends are through the whole process of infant loss :(... I never thought I would have to erase some of the people I have but I did:/. Anywho I have lost 3.5 lbs on this low carb diet :) its pretty nice :), I am also on cd:26 :) hoping for good results this cycle :) my day 21 progestrone draw was 34.4 so deff means I ovulated just hope that I pin pointed it good enough :) Have a great weekend everyone :)

So ttc is going to be put on the back burner its consuming my life and I can't do that to myself ... I am going to start focusing my time on dieting and working out again, I know that it will happen for us when it's ment to do so :) Again I want to thank you all for caring words and support its really helping me :) one day I'll be able to show off my "rainbow baby" I know god has to have a baby up there for me I just know it :) Kloie is helping find the perfect one:) and if she is anything like me it could take awhile ;) Have a good weekend all Xoxo Jessica

Today I took a much needed Mental health day:D it was really nice i just Lounged around and did some laundry, My dogs were confused because there used to us being gone all week:D haha, it was nice to be able to spend some extra time with them today as well. As far as TTC goes I am to my WITS end with everything i feel like if we are not pregnant within this cycle i will TRY BUT NOT PREVENT METHOD and focus on my Weight loss. Considering its my Weight that has caused most of the Issues with getting pregnant itself. Any who i hope EVERYONE had a HAPPY HUMP DAY:D And are looking forward to the weekend:D xoxo ~Jessica~

I really Appreciate all the people that are following my Blog and being supportive, its Not easy dealing with Infant loss, miscarriage, and now having issues trying to get pregnant again. I would not wish this on my worst ENEMY its so hard to deal with day by day. I have finally gotten out of the stage of every time i smile its a "fake" smile and and starting to truly feel happy for everything that i have right now in my life, its just hard at times as you all can tell. I do appreciate all the kind words and support again like i have said the more support the better:D. I am really hoping for a good turn out this cycle but unfortunately for some reason i just don't have a good feeling about it maybe because we have tried so many cycles already. Hopefully in in a few weeks I have good news to give you all:D If not there are many more months to come and hope in the Future:D xoxo ~Jessica~

Pretty nice day today :D I got a raise at work yay super excited, we have been struggling pretty bad and am very happy to think that we are finally going to get completely caught up and not living pay check to pay check :).... Going to the doctors tonight to get my blood levels checked :/ nervous about that for sure.. Hopefully there not getting worse.. Got a b-12 shot:) always makes feel better also had to up my dose of Prozac which is ok and we re checked my dhea levels :) ... Hopefully they are better I am going to start this lo carb diet thing :/ hopefully it works out I need to lose some lbs. All in all a pretty great day:) ... Also I am on cycle day: 15 waiting to ovulate soon hopefully I have good news in a few weeks :) <3 Goodnight world ~Jessica <3

Laying around today watching family guy star wars series it's pretty funny :D, I'm going to make dinner tonight and were actually going have dinner @ the table which hardly ever happens as my table was covered tell now, we are going to make it a point to eat at the table from now on :) I know this sounds silly but I almost do not see the point of eating at the table without children ?? Is that weird of me .. It is almost a normal nagging reminder that I am in the same boat as two years ago :/. Well just got done with dinner gotta admit it was really nice :D even got the dishes done :) today has been a really nice day :) In bed :) had a wonderful relaxing day :) xoxoxo -Jessica

We had friends over tonight it was pretty fun, watched hubby's play Xbox while the girls hung out :) my god son was down so it made it a pretty great night :) I made a roast and potatoes and all:) Today all in all has been a pretty good day cleaned my entire upstairs which is really nice. Since I lost kloie I haven't really been up to doing much so it felt good doing that :).. Tomorrow I will tackle the downstairs I hope. So I am currently mid cycle with trying to get pregnant anyone ttc will know what I am talking about I'm on cd:13 still waiting to ovulate :/ hopefully this is are month and cycle :) Goodnight everyone:) -Jessica

I honestly dont think there is a day that I dont think about you, Wondering what life would be with you here and not in heaven, A lot of people ask me how did you deal with losing your daughter or another one I get a lot is I don't know if I could live if something like that happened to me, the truth is life is going to go on with or without you.. Believe me I have my days and feel like I won't go on but then I remember life is life and you only get it once so you might as well take all trial and errors in life and learn from them. I do wish at times I had never gone through what I am going through but then I would never have met most of the best groups of women I have ever met. I plan on enjoying my weekend, going to the gym and spending much needed time with my husband :) thank you all for your kind words and support through are journey with ttc<3 ~Jessica~

Today is the First time In a long time that i could say that I had a GREAT DAY:D it felt really good, for once i felt a little more normal then usual, life is so much different after the loss of a child, I cant help but think about what Kloie would look like today, would she have looked more like me or Tyler, things like that. However I am starting to be grateful for the time i did have with my precious angel, A lot of mom's in my situation did not even get what i got and i am happy for that.  As most of you know we are trying to get pregnant again, Its been trying my patience believe me, there are times that i just think screw this lets just adopt, but then i always get this glimmer of hope telling me to TRY ONE MORE TIME. We are doing Clomid Treatments and i am sure that there bound to work, but that drug is one word "HELL". I am also very Grateful for my God babies TyLyn and DeVaughn without them i am sure that this whole thing would be a lot harder, I Love being an

Life has been very crazy the past 7 months i honestly could not tell you how i have functioned with out my sweet angel here with me, I remember the day so clearly, and every detail as well not that i want to forget but i do wish there was something some days to ease the pain a little, no one will ever understand what i am going through unless they have been through this themselves, its a pain like no other and a yearning for something that you simply can not have, even if your so close to the finish line, I never thought that i would have the strength to get through what i have gotten through with the help of this new group i found called SHARE PARENTS:D its been amazing, i have met so many wonderful people that i most likely would not have met, I now do not feel so alone, although there are times when i wake up in the middle of the night and feel like i am missing something and then i remember i am sure that feeling will ease with time as well as the pain, i still can not believe that